Some ghosts kick their legs in what they assume is warm pool water. A few energetically rest on pool-chairs, though they cannot feel them.

A lot of dead people, especially fresh ones, struggle with settling into their new “life”, and still pine for mundane things that remind them of being human. Hence, the above-described post-mortem pool-party.

Most ghost meet-up groups are populated with folks that are new to being not alive, and they almost always congregate in settings that are useful only when you’re alive. But I suppose that’s just about every place then, isn’t it? A pool on a sunny day, for example, is a pretty reliable hot-spot. An abandoned house at night is not, despite common belief. None of this swooping around in the mists at midnight nonsense. They’re kinda lonely and disoriented former people, not terrorists. (except for the ones that are/were actual terrorists, a vague term, at best) But back to the pool: if the owners, (or really any fleshy people) show up to use it, there’s really no problem for the living. Only the highly tuned-in would notice a ghost, and that feeling usually manifests as an emotional reaction to the living which is usually explained as being tired, too hot, etc. Really, the integration of the two worlds is more inconvenient for the dead in that it is kind of sad and awkward to have your party interrupted by people who are actually able to cut loose and have a party. I imagine it’s like going to your favorite restaurant and having only water. Just kind of a sad reminder, really, to watch all the smiling faces with mouths full of food.

But, despite not being able to feel the water, get a sunburn, or even discuss how many regular burgers vs. veggie burgers to throw on the ol’ grill, many ghosts, for a while, cling onto the past this way. I suppose it’s also as good a way to meet and mingle with other ghosts as any other, not that you’ll need the help. It’s a pretty common misconception that only people with “unfinished business” linger on as ghosts. What the heck does that even really mean? Who doesn’t have unfinished business? Edna never told Hank how she really felt: Unfinished business. Luke always regretted have his life saved instead of his brother’s in that accident in ’92: unfinished business. Jilly’s cactus died while she was in hospice, and she never got to say goodbye: Yes. Unfinished business. Spoiler alert: we all die and leave a bunch of crap behind. Who knows if that’s why we end as ghosts, but we do.

Specter Capacity

So the next question, of course, is that if we ALL become ghosts, isn’t it, like, insanely crowded on Earth? Isn’t that literally hundreds of billions of ghosts?

Yes, it is. We don’t really know if it is just poor planning, a design flaw, or what, but it’s wall to wall ghosts for the most part. As you might imagine, things get loud real quick. Of course, we don’t take up physical space in the same way, but telepathic communication is still audible if you get between to communicating ghosts. So as you might imagine, this happens A LOT with all the ghosts up in this place. AND: Surprise! Animals had souls all along! So when you factor in the trillions of chickens that we’ve killed, all the weird tooth-grinding talk of fish, and every bird that has ever lived, you can see how it’s sort of a mess.

Almost always, after a few months or years of being a ghost, most spirits, regardless of species, tend to head off to the upper atmosphere, the moon, other planets, or generally toward less ghost-dense locales, I think. To be honest, I’m not totally sure, because I’ve been underground since my death, more-or-less. Remaining underground, rubbing elbows with decaying bodies, so to speak, and in total blackness is pretty unpopular, so it makes for a less-crowded scene. And no one has fact-checked this, but I’m convinced that something about the metals in the earth or something seems to dampen how “loud” other ghosts are.

The other big misconception about us is that your dead ancestors or parents are “watching over” you. It’s a nice, comforting (I guess-it seems creepy to me) idea, but the reality is that it basically never happens. Freshly dead people DO get pretty gung-ho about “guiding” their offspring and whatnot, but:

  1. There is literally nothing you can do as a ghost to influence anyone’s life in any way.
  2. The nobility and romance fade pretty quickly and it gets super boring to just watching someone live their life, no matter how fond you are of them. I mean, really, the bulk of our living-lives were spent standing in lines, sleeping, working, or watching TV. And now that smart-phones and the internet is especially ubiquitous, a lot of modern life is spent watching other people watch people live. It’s crazy-boring for a spectator to watch. We’ve got our own post-lives to live. Forever.

So since nobody is really watching you, we mostly just hang out in a crowded forever limbo. We don’t speak in a language, per se, but our thoughts are communicated via energetic transference. So people’s personalities definitely exist post-life, and you see a lot of that in the ghost-world. This means unfortunately, there is plenty of spiritual racism, sexism, or ghosts that are just downers. Not everyone is a well-adjusted emotionally-sensitive ghost from the 21st century. You’ve got mean ghosts. Boastful ghosts. Ghost gangs. Pirate ghosts who never want to give up pillaging, despite the obvious lack of pillagability of the phantasmagorical world.

You’ve also got people that died with cognitive or psychological troubles. Those cases are rare, but fairly unsettling. As a ghost with no body to encumber you, it sort of frees you up to learn, grow, and eventually sort of “shut off” retiring to a giant ocean of quiet souls. But for those who have undergone significant trauma or serious attachment to their former “identity”, they seem bound to forever stick around, like a car in neutral. Unable to really go anywhere.

Ghost on Ghost

I don’t really know the point of it all, or why we’re just blinking into the world with no end in sight. Things are pretty crowded, but a lot of ghosts retire into a sort of “off” mode once they’ve thought all the thoughts they want to think. Most usually head off into space: someplace spacious to “be”, literally doing nothing than more than that, I think. I’ve never been out that far but I hear clusters of ghost just sort of stack into piles, sort of Yurtle-the-Turtle style.  Maybe their energy collects and turns into a star, or maybe another universe? I’d like to think that. You get that much energy in one spot, something is bound to go down. For my part, as I mentioned, I’ve been underground for a few decades now. I suppose eventually I’ll have thought all the thoughts that seem useful to me and I’ll see what’s going on out there in space and try my hand at just relaxing in the vast blankness of space. Right now, I’m fairly comfortable here in the quiet(ish) dirt.

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